great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
