I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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