Someone shit on the floor
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
