Jerry, you need to find god
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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