I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
