so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize