I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
