just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
