I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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