New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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