It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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