Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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