Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
