R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
