Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
