He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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