I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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