Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
