honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize