just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize