Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
