Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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