i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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