hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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