Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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