he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
