You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
