dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize