Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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