he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This couple is walking their pig around campus
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
