so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i wish my penis had a tongue
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
