I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
