ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize