just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize