a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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