he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
