i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
