Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
