so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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