im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
