Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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