Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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