I have demons in me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
