Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
