just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she told me i tasted like america
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
