p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
