A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize