How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
