Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
