there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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