Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
