she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
