I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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