and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
