I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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