dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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