I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
