Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
