So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Quick, to the slutcave!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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