I am puke
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
