i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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