I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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