yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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