her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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