was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
