like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
